


I Hear Relationships Take Effort

by ElizaSam



Series: A Spoonful of Sugar Helps the Angst Go Down (Malec) [3]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec Lightwood Loves Magnus Bane, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blackmail, Dark Magnus Bane, Hurt Magnus Bane, Love Confessions, M/M, Minor Violence, and will do anything for him, even fight him
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2020-09-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:22:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25762072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElizaSam/pseuds/ElizaSam
Summary: "I'm not going to fight you, Magnus."ORWhen the rift was opened, Magnus didn’t volunteer to return to Edom. He was blackmailed into it by the Clave.By the time he returns, Magnus is a changed warlock. He is cold and unfeeling, determined to make the Shadowhunters pay for his sacrifice.That is, until the one man he cannot bear to hurt comes knocking on his door.
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Series: A Spoonful of Sugar Helps the Angst Go Down (Malec) [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1835383
Comments: 18
Kudos: 158





	1. Payment on a Platter

**Author's Note:**

> Please read the summary to get the background!

“I’m not going to fight you, Magnus.”

“Why not? Scared?” Hardened eyes met Alec’s. 

“You know that’s not true.” 

Magnus’s sneer faltered, and for just a moment, Alec caught a glimpse of the man he’d fallen for. The man whose face was open and free, not stone-faced and guarded. The man who smiled at Alec’s clumsiness and giggled when skin met skin in bed. The man who knew that happiness existed. 

It disappeared quickly. 

“Then you know that I’m more than willing to fight you, regardless of whether or not you engage.” 

Alec nodded. “I’m prepared for that.” Eyes locked on Magnus, the Shadowhunter slowly lifted the bow from his broad shoulders and placed it on the carpet. His arrows, stele, and two seraph blades followed suit. “Hit me, Magnus. Fight me. Blast me with your magic,” Alec said, arms open and palms aimed at the sky. “I’m not going to fight you, but I’m not leaving you either.” 

“You’re a fool, Alec Lightwood. You’re a damn fool.” 

“Yeah,” Alec smiled ruefully, the hint of a laugh bubbling in his throat. “I probably am, Magnus. But I’m a fool that loves you. Your past, your secrets, your mistakes- they don’t change the fact that I will love you until the day I die.” 

Magnus stalked forward, hands raised in an offensive stance. Shining, black boots stepped deliberately, and the darkness of the warlock’s clothing and makeup on emphasized the hardened expression he wore. “That could be today.” 

“It could,” Alec nodded. “But I would die by your side, even if it is by your hand. And I would choose it over and over again.” 

With the flick of Magnus’s wrist, Alec felt himself raise several feet off the ground. Blue magic coiled around his throat and tightened against his airway. His hands fell limp at his sides, and black spots edged into the corners of his sight. 

And yet, he didn’t struggle. Alec didn’t try to break free, and he refused to gasp for air. 

The magic, though angrily controlled, was familiar. It knew him. It was home. 

“I do not joke, Shadowhunter.” 

The voice was cold and unfeeling, void of warmth, and it cut through Alec’s increasingly oxygen-deprived thoughts. Pausing to gather his strength, he met Magnus’s eyes directly. Chocolate eyes met golden orbs, unblinking. “Neither do I, Magnus.” 

Without a warning, Alec crashed to the ground. His height proved to be a detriment as he fell awkwardly and off-balance, legs twisting and landing hard on his tailbone. Much as he attempted to keep it in, a small “oof” escaped into the silent apartment. 

It was impossible to miss Magnus’s tensing when it slipped out. 

“You should go, Shadowhunter, before I change my mind.” 

“I told you, Magnus. I’m not leaving.” 

“Ah!” Magnus walked quickly toward Alec, a fanatical glean in his eye. “I forgot how much you enjoy vexing your precious little Clave. Tell me,” he laughed, the sound forced and unnaturally high pitched, “just how much will your little _visit_ to me ‘shake’ things up?” He waited only a second, eyebrows raised, for a response before turning away. 

Alec shook his head, standing and brushing the dust from his pants. Magnus stood with his back to him. Slowly walking closer, he placed a hand on the frozen shoulder. “Magnus, it’s me. Alec. Alexander. You’re not going to scare me away, either by force or by insulting me. And you know I don’t care what people say.”

Magnus recoiled from the touch, shoving Alec ten feet back. His eyes flashed, gold and brown warring within. “And Isabelle?” He asked, cocking an eyebrow. “Do you _care_ that I chased her away when she came looking? That I sent her back to you with singed hair and enough bruises to last a month? That I felt no remorse in doing so? Rather, that I _enjoyed_ it?” 

Alec swallowed heavily. 

It was true. He’d been furious, insulted and appalled beyond explanation, when his sister showed up at his doorstep battered nearly beyond recognition. He’d been ready to kick that person to Edom along with anyone who’d stood by and watched. 

He’d seen red… until Magnus’s name spilled from Izzy’s lips. 

When she spoke of the man they both loved, though in very different ways, blinded by rejection and prejudice, Alec’s anger had quickly disappeared. Perhaps it was the tone of Izzy’s voice that calmed him- sorrowful and subdued. Perhaps it was the knowledge that she’d sought out Magnus for the same reason he later would; because the Lightwood siblings loved whole-heartedly and without fear of the fire and ash. Or perhaps it was because he knew Magnus. 

Alec knew Magnus better than he knew himself, and there was one thing he’d learned through the ups and downs of their relationship- there was no such thing as an accident. 

Alec took a deep breath before raising his head to meet Magnus’s eyes. “You’re right. I do care. Of course, I do. I care about Izzy, and,” he stepped forward, slowly, “I care about you, Magnus. I _know_ you, Magnus. And I know that you could have done a lot worse to her and been well within your right. You-” Alec paused, staring deep into the eyes of the man he loved. “You could have killed her. You could have killed Isabelle Lightwood, a woman that you say is nothing more than another Shadowhunter- your self-declared enemy.”

Magnus stood frozen, glowering. 

“But you didn’t,” Alec continued. “You spared her when you have spared no other of our kind. And you did it for a reason.” 

The words were scarcely out of his mouth before Alec found himself staring at the ceiling. Magnus’s arm pressed into his chest, blue magic holding his hands and feet from moving. “Please,” the warlock scoffed. “I’m not so weak as to let one man hold sway over my actions. I do not love you, Shadowhunter.”

Silence surrounded the pair. The man above shook, though whether it was with rage or emotion was unknown. The man below waited patiently as the quiet grew stagnant. 

“I never said you did, Magnus.” Alec whispered, gaze softening. “All I said was that there was a reason. You’re the one who provided it.”  


“I. Do. Not. Love. You.” The walls shook with the weight of Magnus’s growl.

Alec nodded toward the arm pressing into his chest. “Okay, then prove it. Kill me, Magnus.” The man atop him didn’t move. “Go on, kill me.” 

Still no change.

“C’mon, Magnus,” Alec urged, his voice growing in strength. “You wanted payment, and I’m offering it to you on a silver platter. Take it. Take it!”

The expression on Magnus’s face began to crack. First his top lip twitched, then his nostril flared. The skin around his eyes tightened almost imperceptibly, but Alec noticed. 

“Or,” he said, voice softer, “you can accept that I love you as you are right here. Right now. Knowing everything that you have done. And you can stop punishing yourself for the fact that you still love me, too.” 

For a split second, Alec saw Magnus’s face crumple. 

And then he found himself in the street outside Magnus’s apartment building, gear heaped on the sidewalk, and doors firmly locked, barring him from the only man Alec wanted to see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm thinking I might add another chapter? Just to wrap things up. Not sure... things feel unfinished as is. Thoughts?


	2. Misery Loves Company... Or Something Like That

_Magnus had lived long enough to know the difference between physical and internal pain. One could be distracted from, could be forgotten. The broken body and seared skin would eventually heal and be protected by tougher skin and tougher resolve. You could recover given proper time and care._

_Emotional pain was different._

_It wasn’t a pinpointed area able to be wrapped with a bandage or cool cloth, and it wasn’t something you could forget, even for a moment._

_It wasn’t a knife stabbing into your side, but rather swallowing a thousand glass slivers and feeling every slice and stab and wound on the way down. Your throat would be in ribbons, your internal organs nothing more than a fatal coloring page, crimson bleeding out. Ironically, the only area left intact would be that on the outside. So you would collapse, a perfect mask, while the death occurred inwardly._

_Magnus wore his mask from atop the throne of Edom._

_The fire no longer burned him._

_The darkness failed to create new unease._

_The screeching cries of Edom were a mere background melody, dulled over time and paling in comparison to the throbbing lacerations inside._

_Watching Alexander die had stolen what last shreds of humanity Magnus retained over his 400 years._

_On that day, Magnus held off the fall. He’d maintained composure long enough to seal the rift, to protect the few individuals left that he cared for from the same fate- Catarina, Raphael, Madzie, Isabelle, Simon, Clary- before collapsing on the other side, confined in Edom._

_He’d withered away, tormented by the aching loss of his Alexander, his happiness, his love until nothing remained. And when he had no pain left to feel, no sensation of life or resemblance of emotion, Magnus decided it was enough._

_There was no reason to keep Edom viable, no dues left to pay._

_It was time to leave._

~

“Magnus, let me in. Please.” 

Silence. 

It was two days after their last encounter, the first time they’d seen each other in over a decade, and Alec ached to see his boyfriend, his almost-fiancee, the man he loved. But more pressingly, more importantly, Alec _needed_ to know that Magnus would be okay. 

A week before, Shadowhunters had begun going missing. They left no trail and no clues, only to be found dead within hours without a single scratch. There were no wounds, no poisons, no signs of a struggle, and the lack of answers had been driving Izzy insane. 

Everyone figured it was a rogue warlock; no other mundane, Nephilim, or Downworlder had the ability to cause such chaos for a seemingly non-existent reason. And then, they’d gotten the news. 

Edom was gone. 

An inferno had burned with such heat and flame, with such power, that it couldn’t possibly survive. The entire realm had collapsed in on itself, the threads of its dimension weaving over it completely. There was nothing left, and everything inside it had perished. 

Except, of course, the only warlock capable of destroying the realm. The same warlock the Clave had used to seal Edom off from everyone remaining topside, and that warlock had likely figured it out and come for revenge: Magnus Bane. 

Alec didn’t care about any of _that._

His single focus was Magnus. He’d been alone the entire time, battling demons inside and out. What he must have been through to have reached this point... But now, he was within reach, and Alec refused to be forced out. 

He was never, under any circumstance, going to be separated from Magnus again. 

“C’mon, I just want to talk. Open up, or I’m coming in myself.” 

The words had scarcely been spoken before a wall of magic erected itself, separating Alec from the door. It crackled with power and sparked threateningly when he reached out, testing it. 

“Magnus, that was a bit much. But okay, I’ll stay out here.” 

Alec turned, plopping onto the step and shrugging off his gear. There was nothing he needed to protect himself against- not here, not with Magnus. 

“I- I…” The words disappeared. He finally had Magnus’s attention, knew he was listening, and Alec had no idea what to say. “Magnus,” he swallowed heavily, “Magnus, I can’t imagine what you’ve gone through. What the Clave did to you- I can’t- there are no words. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. For the deception and the sacrifice you made, for their actions, for everything.” 

Alec let out a frustrated breath, running a hand through his already messy hair. 

“Angels, Magnus. I know sorry doesn’t change anything, doesn’t fix anything, but I am so-”

The door flung open, a fuming Magnus Bane on the other side. 

“If you’re about to say ‘sorry’ you can leave right now.”

Alec’s head shot up at Magnus’s voice, eyes immediately focusing on his frigid expression. “Mag-” 

“Don’t say another word, Alec Lightwood.”

The corner of Alec’s mouth quirked up. “At least I’m no longer ‘Shadowhunter.’” 

Magnus scowled. “That is irrelevant. You-”

“It’s not irrelevant to me.” The words were soft and gently spoken, but the firm passion sketched into Alec’s face was impossible to miss. 

“ _You_ ,” Magnus repeated loudly, pointedly ignoring the interjection, “have no idea what happened. _You_ were not there. So do not apologize.” 

“Tell me then.” Alec stood slowly, stepping close. “Help-” he froze at the flare of magic as he came near and retreated quickly immediately. “Help me understand. I want to understand.”

“There is no understanding this. Good day, Alec.” The flick of a finger, and the heavy door swung closed. 

“Magnus.” The door halted its path, stopped by the toe of a black boot. Alec could feel the pressure increase, and he pushed on the stained wood to keep it from shutting. Through the sliver still visible, he watched Magnus turn away, face blank. “Magnus! I’ve- I’ve been hurt, gone through a lot of stuff, though I acknowledge nothing like this. _Together_ ,” the form stiffened, Magnus’s back still to the door as he climbed the staircase, “we’ve been through a lot. I’m not going to run now.” 

The pressure lessened, and Alec squeezed carefully into the entryway. Magnus had not moved, still and silent on the second step. Though he hadn’t come closer, he hadn’t left either. Alec took it as a good sign and continued. 

“Just- just let me be here with you. Please.” Alec tried. “Misery loves company- isn’t that what the mundanes say?”

Regardless, it was the wrong thing to say then. 

Magnus whirled around, face switching from stony and infuriated. He stormed down the steps and crossed the floor in seconds, shoving himself into Alec’s face. 

“Is that what you think this is, Alec? Misery?” Heavily lined eyes narrowed as if daring him to respond.

Alec swallowed heavily, suddenly unable to say a word. The closeness was affecting him, despite the absolutely inappropriate moment to do so, and he couldn’t help emotions from beginning to rise to the surface. 

He could see the glint of Magnus’s golden eyes, flashing and bold, and the individual hairs on his chin; the blemish-free skin and the slight crinkle of skin on his forehead. There was warmth from the breath caressing his face and a bead of sweat at Magnus’s hairline. It was all achingly familiar, and Alec yearned to reach out. 

It had been so long, _too long_ , since they’d been this close. 

Magnus was less dazed. A laugh bubbled out entirely without joy, and he glared into Alec’s wide eyes. “This is not misery. Misery is realizing that your parents fear you or growing up with the knowledge that you killed your mother. Misery is forcing yourself back to reality to turn in a murderous vampire that’s been your only company for decades. Misery is getting your father before he gets you. That, Alec, is misery.”

Magnus paused, quiet for a moment, as if trying to hide the bit of emotion bleeding into his voice. 

“I did not _suffer_ that day, Alec. I have not been in _agony_ or _grief_ or _hardship_ while withering away in Edom for the last twelve years. I am not _broken_ now.”

“Mag-”

“I goddamn _died_ that day!” Magnus shouted into Alec’s face, poking a finger into his chest. “There’s nothing left! Do you ‘get’ it, now? Do you ‘understand?’ I do not need company. I do not need you. I do not need anything. Now, _leave_.” 

Magic shot out, entangling Alec’s body and pushing him backward. Before he could get a word out, Alec found himself on the street once again, door shut and Magnus out of sight. 

~ 

When the door had finally shut and Alec was no longer in view, Magnus’s face crumpled. He blinked twice, rapidly, unable to stop the tears spilling onto reddened cheeks, and slid to the floor. 

“Please don’t leave me, Alexander.” he whispered. 

Alec wasn’t just the love of his long, long life. Alec was the only person who had stuck around, the only one still there after everything Magnus had through. 

His parents were gone; his former companions, all of which paled in comparison to Alec, were dead. His friends tried, but even they had walked away at some point or another. 

But Alec… 

Alec had never left. He’d refused to be pushed away, and he had loved Magnus with all his flaws, not despite them. In Alexander Lightwood, Magnus had finally found a soul that understood his own… and then he’d shoved him out the door.

He was completely alone and had nobody but himself to blame for it. 

In the chilly air, Magnus wrapped trembling arms around his waist, imagining instead they were long and warm, covered in dark, black runes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that wasn't exactly a walk in the park... but I promise a happy (ish) ending is coming in the third and final chapter! I've got it mostly planned out, and fear not- I'll also fully explain what went down with the blackmail! 
> 
> Any guesses? :)
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! As always, I welcome comments, suggestions, etc.!


End file.
